All that jazz...

Loosing my Religion

2010-04-13T23:57:00.002+05:30

- REM

Mountains rise and water falls

the wind responds to natures call

A treat for the eyes

at every turn a new surprise

Scale the hill and swim the stream

more satisfying than ice cream

But Jack be nimble, jack be quick

Jack be careful which path you pick.

The prestige is yet to come,

the memory stickier than chewing gum

wealth or value what makes you tick?

Epiphany

2010-03-08T23:11:00.003+05:30

- Staind

I'm remembering the moments

the days that made me, Me.

Rides in the subway and conversations with family.

I feel the emotions.

I see the deep blue sea.

Staring into the horizon of an eternity.

I wonder when I'll get there

this person I want to be.

In this midst of all this chaos, I wonder if i'll find the key.

Prancing in the twilight my head and heart flow free

stroke by stroke the dots connect

uncover the mystery.

My thoughts they whisper softly.

Ideas. An epiphany.

Memories

2010-01-02T23:13:00.002+05:30

- David Guetta feat Kid Cudi

The first and the last are tied to emotion and fame

But memory retrieves events unclaimed.

The passable, routine, the mundane one day or another just the same

Grappling now with a life lost.

Better replaced by amnesia

but at what cost?

Plans are chalked out,

life as it is meant to be.

Drawing on things validated by history.

Turning the page, the story unfolds

twisting and turning from familiar moulds.

A fish out of water or a penguin in snow.

only time will tell how things go.

Sand in my shoes

2009-11-12T00:32:00.005+05:30

- Dido

Broken embraces; familiar faces.
As we discover those forgotten places.
I realize that this is still dear to me
drawing me in like a familiar mystery
Should I really let fate decide what's meant to be?

They say nothing in life is set in stone
I think i'll lead mine across timezones
The grass is always greener on the other side
and thats the cloak behind which i hide.
lock, stock and barrel and a million things in between
There is still so much of the world that I have never seen.

This is my soliloquy.
Time is the enemy

All kinds of time

2009-07-17T03:54:00.003+05:30

- Fountains of Wayne

Being the last one in is not a good thing
your heart swells and your ears ring.
With multiple promises that have been made
to remember forever
or atleast till memories fade.

Life seems a state of constant unrest
as each bird flies away from the nest.
Breath slows heart quickens
Head tells heart your just chicken.

Days turn to months at warp speed
a few more is all I need.
Time and tide.
Tick Tock this life away.

Waiting on the world to change

2008-11-28T05:54:00.002+05:30

- John Mayer

Fire, Water, Earth and Sky.
Lives are lost, the price is high.

As evening quickly turns to night
It feels so real
Its just not right.

Close to heart and far from home
fire lights up a well known dome

Start from scratch. Erase. Rewind
If only we could do that with time.
so that they couldn't touch that city of mine.

Memory and mind are filled with dread
as I still see the terror spread.

This time i feel the pain.
Something's different but everything changed.

J'ai pas vingt ans

2008-11-09T22:28:00.003+05:30

-Alizee

The city.
A maddening moody lover.
I love, I hate, I am exalted.

The people.
Like their baguettes.
A hard crisp exterior with an inner softness.

Working in the middle of a silent sand storm.
Clueless & comfortable;
curiosity kills the cat.

I experience the excitement
of roller coaster ride, as always...
Passing by at warp speed.

Drive

2008-09-14T22:37:00.000+05:30

- Incubus

Teenage Tantrums and shedding fur.
Time moves closer.
Can you sense any fear?

As the shadows dance on my wall.
Dark and bright.
Big and Small.

An intercepted impression has been made.
Transient in impact
memories fade.

And we drift deeper into the sun.
and life goes on...

Hometown Glory

2008-08-09T22:37:00.000+05:30

- Adele

Its been awhile.
And now I smile at the fear I felt in between.
Just 3500 miles and here I am the queen.

Friends, family and familiarity.
Faces and feelings frozen in time.
Frozen in mind.

New places, revamped spaces.
So little has changed,
So much is not the same.

Warm. Relaxed. Regulated.
The time is finite.
Even as I dream at night.

Giving way to a...
fresh french feeling
of Hometown Glory.

Homecoming

2008-07-09T23:35:00.002+05:30

- Kanye West ft. Chris Martin

I thought about it now and then.
But then it got warm again.

To a sense of freedom I was already hooked.
Even though it meant I cleaned and I cooked.

The drug was rampant.
Running through my veins.
It will take much longer before it drains.

10 hours. 10,000 miles.
And every time you see their smiles.

There is a collision in heart and head.
Confusion seeping in as the memories spread.

An assault on your senses.
In everywhichway.
Its taking some time to get used to the bay.

Catch and Release

2008-06-19T20:30:00.003+05:30

The faster you turn the pages the sooner it will be over.
Satisfied and shocked into silence.
The book was better than the cover.
What to read next is just a bother.

The memories will fade.
Time will come undone.
The expiration date on the experience is soon to come.

Decisions on its dominion are still to be made.
Quickly before the memories fade.
To Press and preserve.
Or delude and deny.
That is the question.

Confusion creeps in.
Now making room for chaos.
Suspended in the loop.
Brain slows, heart quickens.

And you scream because the ride isn’t over just yet.

Praise You

2008-03-28T17:38:00.000+05:30

- Fatboy Slim

Its been long long way together.
And now you can be me too.

In both hot and cold weather
You have seen me through...

the summer in my heart, and winter winds that cooled.
And through the rain that reintroduced gloomy pools.

At night in shrouded darkness, you season the fare.
And in days of blinding glare, life seems unfair.

For the new things that can be discovered when wandering unguided, unknown.
And for the old, that movie well known.

And under neath it all I guess I always knew.
One way or another I will miss you.

I am not alone again.
I feel at home again.

Face in the Crowd

2007-12-11T04:16:00.000+05:30

- Kosheen

You'll never match up.
You'll eventually give in.
Your too weak
To learn to swim.
Are you more than a face in the crowd?

Busy the beesnest.
The book is as good as its cover.
Survival of the fittest
Or just another?

Of Lines and liberties.
Shoes and shine
Question the fables
But not the queen.
More than a face in the crowd.

Will you find a different way?
Or continue your search in the hay.

Sometimes its easier to just dissolve into a face in the crowd.

Me Gustas Tu

2007-11-29T04:34:00.000+05:30

- Manu Chao

Me gustas la cafe me gustas tu.

Apparently coffee does work on me. Apparently im addicted to it in a wierd psychogodknowswhat sense. I need to quit the caffine. Seemingly among other things. I need to start risking and stop rationalizing. Rationalizing rations opportunities. I need to stop being content with the idea and start being scared by the reality. Your smart enough but am I really? Am I really ok with this? Everything controversial is shelved. Dusted regularly and filed back in place. It all looks great but is it really?
As a people we value certain traits and abilities putting them up on a pedestal much higher than others. We tell every person that they are unique and valuable and yet we dont value them. Creative is better than logical. Strategy is better than detail. Big is better than Small. Fast is better than slow. Leader is better than follower.But really can you lead without a team of followers? Strategize without analysts. Create without implementors? But still one is clearly better than other. Who decides really? And how? If white chocolate or Dark? Less or more? Here or there? potato potato?

Me gustas la noche me gustas sommeil.
Me gustas manana, me gustas itt.

Life

2007-10-28T02:44:00.000+05:30

- E Type

The more I attach to the new the more I rediscover the old.
The more you give the more you get.

Small in size, big on borders.
Visits and visas.
Destination Unknown.

Turn Around
From Back to While
Turn Back Time
Then and Now

Life encased in a laptop.
History in words.
Words on a web page.
Flying from the nest, attached by the apron strings.
I want to be home.

Beautiful Day

2007-10-23T00:17:00.000+05:30

- U2

When you wake up on the only side of the sofa to a sun that refuses to rise.
You rarely know it will be a beautiful day.
But then, sometimes, it is.
A day when you trusted everything but the sunscreen.
I finally found the place I've been looking unsuccessfully for, for so long.

I walked up and down without a fall and saw them mature into an irreplicable richness of color. To warm up and cool down, appreciate and enjoy your fortunate foolishness.

Inconvenient conversation, the paprika on an interesting pizza. Half over and half empty, I need to eat faster. I need a lot of things apart from the beautiful day, but tomorrow the day will start again.
It feels like time to get off the bumper cars and onto the roller coaster.

The clock ticks past midnight and it really felt like,
It's a beautiful day!

Drop the Pressure

2007-10-04T05:47:00.000+05:30

- Mylo

Increase the will and decrease the volume.
everywhere.
Taste but don't touch.
Dip your feet in.
Swim on the surface and you won't sink.
Drive on the roads if you don't drink.

I love the road, I love the ride.
Bumps, breaks and bruises.
Speed, space and success.
I just need to find my way home.

Mapping out my course.
Through willful weekdays and working weekends.
Bazd meg drop the pressure.

I Hope You Dance

2007-09-01T20:22:00.000+05:30

- LeeAnn Womack

As I sat on the sidelines, I wondered if it would be more fun to dance.
Or would I just miss the dance floor?
Now I wish I had danced.

The floor was large.
The music was quick.
Back and forth both graceful and jerky.
I hope you dance

Me
Suddenly I see.
This isn't where I want to be.
Suddenly I see.
This is it for me.

Fix You

2007-08-14T03:05:00.000+05:30

- Coldplay

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

The Great Beyond

2007-07-29T06:09:00.000+05:30

- REM

Its been awhile since I wrote something coherant, since I felt coherant. Thank god whole is greater than the sum of its parts. I need to write this way again, mostly for no good reason. I can never find a good reason. Reason doesn't explain much, its too difficult. It can still be done. I know it can. You dont know how it feels to be me. Language is the newest and biggest barrier there is in all aspects that it can control. Control, something I have come to realize is important in a different way. Why cant I control myself? What is happening? I can now cook, clean, wrap, laundry, shop and dust. I miss being lazy. I could never have imagined, I don't think its possible. I need perspectives and friends. Can you think in multiple languages? Can you do what I am thinking? I think that despite it all, I am right. I think too much sometimes, when its not even necessary. I like mindless, thought numbing movies they are good for the soul. I like John Tucker Must Die. I like all the wrong things. Songs are always significant for a reason. I can still remember, I hope it lasts, for the most part. Nostalgia is a present that needs to be forgotten. Nausea is not the same thing.

Do You Remember?

2007-07-26T01:58:00.000+05:30

- Jack Johnson

Remember the titans.
Remember the times.
Do you remember?
Loosing my religion.
Loosing hindsight.
Do you remember what it is to win?
Passing through filmreels and photostips.
Passing the time.
Do you remember when we first met?
Validated and void.

Lost

2007-07-08T19:49:00.001+05:30

loose yourself
in the music the moment
you know that you never ever let it go
needle in a haystack
distinctly different
insignificant, invisible.
im looking for it too.
bikini babies and melting pots
seems like it was based on a draw of lots.

Comfortable

2007-06-25T22:05:00.000+05:30

-John Mayer

It was yesterday.
Remember when you called me.
I already knew.
Remember the first time we met.
I try.
It was a holiday, chaos and ended.
Pink track pants. No make up.
Morning Kareoke.
It was comfortable and so broken in.
Tomorrow.
I am already treading on ice.
tell me... how thick is it?

We used to be friends

2007-06-13T14:22:00.000+05:30

- Dandy warhols

And then you cracked it
into two perfect halves
Pointedly jagged and perfectly smooth
left me in a funny mood
It hurt me and it was meant to be
for both you and me
I try to fix it and patch it up with glue
but the crack will remain visible to me and to you

Be Yourself

2007-05-15T01:32:00.000+05:30

- Audioslave

My life is now encompassed in 3 days and a 20kg baggage limit.
My memories are relived in pictures.
My emotions continue to confuse heart and head.
My friends will fall in place.
My commitments are dictated by my planner.
My ideas contained on a laptop.
My departure is confirmed by the visa on the passport.
My destination determined by the air ticket I see in front of me.
My role is defined by a word document.
My experience is defined by me.
Me is subjective and relative again.
I am conflicted again.

Goodnight Moon

2007-04-01T01:22:00.000+05:30

- Shivaree

Tagged By Apeksha:

1. Were you named after anyone? No clue, parents handed me over to a random old man who picked my name.

2. Do you wish on stars? Not unless Im told to.

3. When did you last cry? Cant remember the date but a few months ago.

4. Do you like your handwriting? Ugh no.

5. What is your favourite meat? Pepperoni I guess.

6. What is your most embarrassing CD on your shelf? Don't own any CDs, I'm deprived.

7. If you were another person, would YOU be friends with you? Would anyone say no?

8. Are you a daredevil? I doubt it, but yes.

9. How do you release anger? Depends on who its directed towards.

10. Where is your second home? Same place as my first.

11. Do you trust others easily? Not really.

12. What was your favourite toy as a child? I didnt have toys. Im deprived. (Actually I cant remember)

13. What class in school/college do you think is totally useless? computers

14. Do you use sarcasm a lot? I dont get why people keep saying that!

15. Have you ever been in a mosh pit? No

16. What do you look for in a guy? Nothing that is actually possible to be found apparently.

17. Would you bungee jump? For sure. May need a little help with someone pushing me over though.

18. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? No

19. What's your favourite ice cream? Honey nut crunch, cookies and cream and almost any hand churned ice cream

20. What are your favourite colours? I dont have favorite colours really.

21. What are your least favourite things? Body Fat. (My own)

22. How many people do you have a crush on right now? The list is endless.

23. Who do you miss most right now? Tehmina

24. What are you listening to right now? Lips of an Angel - Hinder

25. If you were a crayon, what colour would you be? Purple

26. What is the weather like right now? Feeling hot hot hot.

27. Last person you talked to on the phone? The 5 spice order taker.

28. The "first" thing you notice about the opposite sex? Not sure, the face i guess.

29. Do you like the person who sent you this? verymuch

30. How are you today? Bored and Guilty.

31. Favourite non alcoholic drink? Coconut water and orange juice

32. Favourite alcoholic drink? Wine/Peach Schnapps with Sprite or Baileys Irish Cream with Milk.. dont make a face you haven't even tried it!

33. Natural hair colour? Black

34. Eye colour? I am told nobody has black eveys so dark brown

35. Wear contacts? No

36. Siblings? younger brother

37. Favourite month? May

38. Favourite food? Just one?

39. Favourite day of the year? Varies with the year.

40. Have you ever been too shy to ask someone out? N/A

41. Scary movies or happy endings? happy happy.

42. Summer or winter? winter in india, summer in cold places. In general heat over cold

43. Holi or Diwali? Diwali

44. Do you like your name? Whats in a name?

45. What book/magazine are you reading? fully formulated answers or other peoples notes that will facilitate the same.

46. What's on your mouse pad? 2006 Winter olympics torino

47. What did you watch on TV last night? The apprentice and a whole bunch of other things

48. Favourite Smell? happy, some perfume mixed with smoke, rain, my moisturiser.

49. Have you ever regretted breaking up with someone? I'll let you know when it happens.

50. Most tiresome thing you’ve ever experienced/done? Writing my TYBA exams.

Voice

2007-03-28T16:03:00.000+05:30

-Pentagram

Voices.
Of truth, reason and justice.
Of minorities, majorities and just the un-privilaged.
Sweet voices like a nightingale.
The voice ringing with the sound of money.
Booming voices of authority.
The voice of the comman (wo)man.
Can you hear them? Can you hear me?
Because there are words that must be said.
There are words that must be heard.
And that they're not is really quite absurd.
Do you hear me now?
I am louder now... not clearer just louder.

Wait. Are you listening?
So much for freedom of speech and the media.
So much for non-judgementalism and opinions.
So much for equality of opportunity.
So much for all that is left unsaid.
unheard.

The Sweet Escape

2007-03-11T21:28:00.000+05:30

- Gwen Stefani ft Akon

In pursuit of happiness.
Every day, every minute, every second, every thing.
In pursit of happiness.
Self blame, Anger, Frustration, Irritation, Incompetence.
In pursuit of happyness.
Of Promise, Hope and Faith.

Life is easy and still life is tough.
Momentary bliss, transient and ephemeral.
Superficial and Deep.
A mission accomplished, a thing accquired, a helping hand.
But is it ever complete?
Are we ever complete?

A week of escapism.
Precious illusions in my head.
Packed and ready to move.
Only the door is jammed.
Will I gather my strength and push?
Or gather the courage to return and unpack?

Jaded

2007-03-07T00:53:00.000+05:30

- Aerosmith

I wonder how many people have heard all of these songs I use as titles. I wonder... about stuff alot lately. The what ifs of life preoccupy. I'm just a little tired at this point, of things not going right, not being able to study, fighting myself and other people. I want to curl up into my bed and sleep until it blows over. The see saw sways, tipping this was and that never balancing out. I have read blogs, newspapers, magazines and books but cannot pay attention to my notes. Why is it that concentration spans are only 20 minutes when it comes to anything remotely purposeful and infinite for television. Everything around is boring; my day, my books even T.V. Is there a way to move into the day dream? Dreams do not become reality, thats just something they tell you to instill what they call hope. I'm not cynical, Im just having a bad... month and dont seem to have the willpower to do jackshit about it. It sucks to know whats wrong, that your lying to yourself and how much you really suck. It just sucks. Have you ever tried eating two of every meal of the day? Well Don't. If there were rules to life it would be so boring, and yet we follow them diligently. Theories of life and other things irrelevant are also blah after a point. God Bless WTs staccato it makes reams of bullshit seem coherant. But now you cant expect coherant writing when life is all over the place. Not stream of consciousness.. NO! Ugh. Yawn.

Time of my life

2006-12-23T21:08:00.000+05:30

- OST Dirty Dancing

This has been difficult time of year in the life of me for the last few years, its always been full of decisions and change. For the bad, for the good and for the better.
But this year has by far been the toughest, the toughest decisions, the most avoidable change.
A change I thought I would look forward to.
A decision I thought I would never consider making and never regret.
But I was wrong, on both counts.
I was wrong and deeper in than I know it and I'm in no hurry to get out.
Quick sand continues to tickle my ankles and pull me in steadily.
I am still waiting for it all to disappear, for the functionality to cease, for the ground break open and suck me into the void that I can sense life will become...
And yet I know ill get used to it, just like I got used to this.
To this life style, to these people that I have grown to know and love.
People who I am myself with, in just a year.
People who helped me find myself in just a year.
People I am leaving after just a year.
A year where I had the time of my life.

Breakdown

2006-11-21T20:57:00.000+05:30

- Jack Johnson

Have you found that as you grow older your more comfortable with yourself... with your flaws your strengths your thoughts and ideas.
With being blunt, crude if they choose to see it that way.
With being fat or thin or just right.
With your screechy voice, nagging and paranoia.
Working on changing what you want to and keeping what helps.
You can finally make friends and I mean real friends, people you talk to and trust not hang out with. People who see and know different facets of you and like you all the same.
I will tell you you got fat, your jeans are ugly and your irritating me.
And then there are still things we don't do.
We won't admit that we drool in our sleep or dance in our rooms or secretly want to be a soapstar.
We won't ask you why there is a breakdown in communication. And why we are loosing what we had.
We will not admit how much we miss it. How much we want it back.
We still have too much of an ego.
We won't ask why you lied to us.
We won't admit we need them and depend on them.
We won't admit we were attracted to a friend.
We won't move out of the comfort zone.
We won't always tell the truth.
We are still too afraid.
When does it stop? Where does it stop?
Let me please breakdown.

Fever

2006-10-12T00:37:00.000+05:30

- Michal Buble

Exams are always a good time to notice and appreciate the finer things in life...
the trivial, the otherwise invisible...
Adorning my room with plates, posters, magnets, momentos and moments.
Drilling and hammering mediated verse.
It is a time of indulgence and smells: the sweet, tingling scent of cinnamon tea, the raw sour smell of onion... kitchen smells.
Obsessive compulsive internet usage and time bound TV Schedules.
Entertainment is of essence.
When lightening lights up on the page in front of you and thunder shatters your concentration and the sound barrier.
Of futility and feeling, snuggling warmly into the sheets as you quiver with fear.
Early morning alarm clocks and calls, to wakeup (or not).
Blanking out and tuning in.
Unkempt hair and harrowed dressing.
Writing, thinking calculating. I have 6 minutes to finish writing this.
One day to go.

tic tac tag

2006-09-27T17:15:00.000+05:30

This post is dedicated to educatedunemployed who can be cursed at educatedunemployed@...

So then proceeding with 8 facts about me...
1. I store large amounts of food in my cupboard, from oreos, chocolate and granola bars to tea. This is largely to keep them away from my brother, and for when im too lazy to get something at night.

2. I love organisation of data. Not in general just data, my room could easily be mistaken for a garbage dump but if you needed to find a particular colour coded excel sheet on my laptop I could give you more specific instructions than you would care for.

3. I find it extremely difficult to swallow pills. I only recently learned to manage the whole pill, with about half a glass of water. However I continue to choke, sputter and have my eyes water.
Thank god I do not have a doctor or take medication!

4. I cut my own hair and fringe for lack of time and carelessness. At this point my hair looks a little better than a mop on my head and a little worse than a horse tail... I am also balding, so this probably won't last long.

5. Every friend I had upto the age of 14 was either entirely or partly bawi. Every person I knew upto the age of 14 assumed I was also either entirely or partly bawi.

6. Some of the happiest times in my life have been remembering the good times i've had. My greatest learnings have always come from self realisation.

7. I am more ambitious and less lazy than I choose to admit.

8. This is much harder than I thought it would be... but finally were at the last one. I have loved (and continue to love) more people than I thought possible before but I have never been in love. I am however reknowned for relationship advice ;).

This has been my first post in a long time whose title is not the name of a song, :) I quite like tags :) :)

Home

2006-09-23T18:04:00.000+05:30

- Michal Buble

Monthly posting has become a regular feature on this blog.
No reading has also become regular and so I assume it is safe to come out of hiding...
Safe to un hibernate and rise to the surface.
Over the last month...
I have revisited the past and evaluated the present.
Re-discovered indulgence and lost out on my wadrobe.
Lost a friend and gained a few gadgets.
Continuted to write but forgotten to blog.
I have wished for sustainance and gained stength.
Hoped for understanding and gained support.
Tried to evade lonliness and made a few friends.
Strived to study and managed to learn.
I have been remembered, I have been forgotten, I am still here.
I have seen love and bitterness. I have seen motivation and defeat. I have seen faith and doubt. I have seen value.
Working to leave my mark and etch my legacy because the time is still short and continuing to diminish but I have miles to go before I go back home.

Kandisa

2006-08-29T18:02:00.000+05:30

- Indian Ocean

Breathe in. Breathe out. Calm.
Composition was broken but is almost gathered.
I am me. Again.
Step back. Step forward. Reason.
Limited logic is liable to be employed.
Conflict pervades and persists.
Chaos. Cacaphony. Confusion.
Desire torments the heart.
Guilt has chosen the soul.

Metaphysical montage.
or
Distinctive delirum.
Its up to me!

Feel

2006-08-22T00:18:00.000+05:30

- Robbie Williams

I ride the roller coaster. I chose to get on.
I sit. I scream. I cry. I am exhaulted.
Commitment, loyalty and sacrifice.
Spread yourself thin, and then dig in.
Achievement and screwups, one more than other.
There is no destination. It will not be reached.
Friendships evolve and friendships disintigrate.
Emotions choose to stagnate .
Activities and events come and go.
Emotions are absent.
Conversation continues.
Meaningful and Emotionless.
I touch, see, hear and smell.
I want to feel.

Change

2006-07-15T21:25:00.000+05:30

- Tracy Chapman

I am thinking about...
a conversation i had this evening

I said...
too much.

I want to...
Sleep

I wish...
everyday was a day like today

I miss...
Friends

I hear...
Woman like a Man - Damien Rice

I wonder...
if my fringe will ever grow back to normal length.

I regret...
cutting my fringe that short.

I am...
changing.

I dance...
in my room

I sing...
to myself walking along the street, in buses and trains.

I cry...
when im drunk...
when im sober...
when im upset...
when im happy...
hmmm lets just say easily.

I am not always...
liked

I write...
always in my head

I confuse...
everyone and everything

I need...
time and solitude

I should try...
being me.

I finish...
in 5 months and 15 days.

I tag...
nobody in particular, everyone in general.

There it is at long last after much procrastination.

Vienna

2006-07-06T18:39:00.000+05:30

- Billy Joel

Time and again life reinstills my faith in love, luck and moments.
Love of family and of friends.
i remain the prodigal daughter, a terrible friend.
Luck in some endeavors.
fear failure and challenge constraint.
Moments and memories....
fastly created, slowly erased.
Time is transient. Events ephemeral.
In this moment there is calm.
I believe in intuition and instinct
dreams and destiny.
I may not live up to my expectations.
I may not succeed. I will not debate this myself.
I will not question impulse.
I will not give up.
Temporary tranquility.

Automatic Blogging

2006-07-03T16:10:00.000+05:30

The train brought me home.
The rain summoned the cool.
Distance made the heart grow fonder.
Silence and states of drunkeness and stupor made me ponder.
What? Why? Will it really?
How?
When when when??
question objectives and reason.
question why I have felt so torn for the longest time.
wrong and worn for the longest time.

Missing memories and moments continue to elude.
Desperation and despair will protrude.
The urge to uplift.
The desire to desist.
The time is not now.

Distance continues to grow and yet proximity and trust develop.
The clock is ticking, goodbye is getting closer yet time goes by so slowly.
Friends are made... friends are being lost.
Sleepless nights, sleepy lectures.
Irony is omnipresent.

I will do the tag soon I promise.

Tomorrow...

2006-06-13T23:11:00.000+05:30

- Salif Keita

I will not feel this way anymore.
I will not remember this feeling.
I will remember the emotion.
I will remember the moment.
It will be a memory.
A recollection, a description.
It will be tainted and impure.
Coloured by mission, by vision, by recollection.

Today...
I cannot capture it. Not even just yet.
I have been blemished. In thought, emotion, mission.
My stomache knots and sinks.
Somersaults in rebellion.
The body will fight the mind.
The heart estranged, must mediate...
Teased and Torn
Unable to do justice.
Eyes mist over. Tears well in the lower lid and spill over.
Brook to stream to river. Outpour, overflow.
Taste them.
Savour the release of Nothing and Something.

Holiday

2006-05-18T00:43:00.000+05:30

- Greenday

Here I am.
Close to nowhere... miles from home.
All family. No friends.
Good weather. Getting better.
Hot coffee. Iced Cream.
Stuffing myself for Thanksgiving. (or the like)
Irritatingly old computer.
Interestingly new language.
Coffee. Culture. Colour.
Here I will remain but a few days.
On Holiday.

She will be loved

2006-05-09T02:12:00.000+05:30

- Maroon 5

And so she will be loved.
Not liked. Yes loved.
Kissed for the very first time.
Unfamiliar un heard from.
Mills and boon, feet have been swept off floors and mopped clean.
Left me still sifting through the unreal air, tingling with electricity.
Gut instinct and gore all responded and they were right.
It feels A typical. It feels right.
Whirl-wind and still its calm.
Pin. Drop. Silence.

Come along with me.
I am still one... half...
Absorbing and swelling myself to be whole.
I continue to live vicariously, virtuously.
Waiting for some brooms... sweeping.
Waiting, but not hopefully.
Waiting, wishing, watching and wondering...
...if love will come through.

Its been awhile...

2006-05-05T03:15:00.000+05:30

- Staind

Its been awhile since I've blogged regularly, or felt like I was on holiday.
Time goes by so quickly.
Stuck in a moment and you can't get out.

Since her face lit up like that when she spoke about....
Since I've seen her mysteriously happy.
Can she feel it?
Would I know?
Can I understand?
Would it be possible if I had felt this before?
Can I really live vicariously
... through her.
... through them.
and for how long?

My head throbs and stomach tightens.
Now its me.
Mind floating in superconciousspace.
The clock ticks in head and heart.
Rational. Reasonable. Real.
Reality check 1, 2.
Testing.
Disconnect.
Hang up.

Welcome to my head.
I don't quite understand either.

Walk Alone

2006-04-27T23:27:00.000+05:30

- Jack Johnson

Its just one of those times when you feel cornered and so alone.
One of those days when you hated yourself and you know they would agree.
You agree, to never ever be friends with you.
Its in this moment I want to reach out and hug you, in this moment I want to burst into tears.
Just one of those times I need to know it will get better, no that I know...
I need you to tell me it will get better.
One of those nights I can't get to sleep.
A time I miss my mother and my best friends... all of them.
People I ignored, sidelined and took for granted.
The people I love the most.

The precariously positioned pile has toppled.
Spoiled, spilling over.
spick and span.
Disaster Management conducted.

All he ever does is walk alone.
Many can only walk so far.

Mortal Combat

2006-04-08T11:02:00.000+05:30

- the scorpions

Its another one of those many mornings when you cringed crawling out of bed, rolled out on the wrong side and would give absolutely anything to have your phone die a painful and noiseless death so that snooze lasts forever leaving you to snuggle back into the sheets.
Solemnly Seeking Solitute.
The second day you feel weak, not just in the knees and hay fever is at its height. The eyes are heavy the head is light.
Head hot, feet fridgid.
And yet I'm in one of my most exciting but not so productive phases and I'm lovin it.
Loving my job, hating my commitments.
Loving the exhaustion, hating the stress.
Loving the achievement, hating the work.
Loving the relationships that form, hating the fights that ensue.
Loving my room taking shape, hating moulding it to be.
Loving the roller coaster, leaving you exhilerated.
The backlog will pile up...
The pile will loom over me, positioned precariously....
The precarious positioning will predict what is to come...
What is to come will arrive, the crash...
The great depression.
And I will come out of it.
But until then....
I'm lovin it!

Music

2006-04-04T16:28:00.000+05:30

There is music for every mood, and a song title for every post.... well almost...
Having blatently plagerised song titles and adopted them as my own on many an occasion I have decided to give the artists who inspired them thier due...
(Also I have nothing else to say so im trying ot rehash what I have already in the hope inspiration will kick in soon enough)
Wake me up when september ends - Greenday
Winds of Change - Scorpions
A Rush of Blood to the head - Coldplay
Goodbye to you - Michelle Branch
Blue daba dee - Eiffel 65
Torn - Natlie Imbruglia
Hung up - Madonna
Comfortable - John Mayer
Hanging by a moment - Lifehouse
Wish you were here - Incubus
Happy - Travis
Unchained Melody - Righteous Brothers
Good People - Jack Johnson
The time is now - Moloko
The blowers daughter - And so it is... - Damien Rice
Somewhere in between - Lifehouse
Bring it back - Sing it back - Moloko
Far Away - Nickleback

Faraway

2006-03-31T23:22:00.000+05:30

Clausterphobia, congestion, exhaustion.
The body rested. Not even a minute and i was concious.
Confusion, cacphony, calm.
It was unexpected. Not even and inch and they gave me a yard.
Care, concern, warmth.
They did the best they could. Not even an accquaintance and I felt better.
Frustration, fury, breakdown.
The straw that broke the camels back. Not even three months and its enough.
Forsight, fortitude, triumph
It worked out. Not even a single accomplishment but the end is yet to come.
Fast forward, feel, ambivalent.
But I still have a dream...

Bring it back.

2006-03-28T00:24:00.000+05:30

I effectively ignored this blog and blogging for the longest time yet, completely consumed by mundane realism.
Brought back accidently. :)
I am back, not neccecarily here to stay, such is the capriciousness of the mind, I really have nothing to do with it.
Friends are back not here to stay, the appetite is back hope it goes away.
Exams are over and the worst hasn't even begun. Beginnings but the end is yet to come.
I watched the sun set.
And until tomorrow, right now is everything.
Its a wonderful feeling to fall asleep as soon as you hit the bed. It is impossible to wake from the reverie.
Its amazing to feel like superwoman. It is frustrating you can't get there.
Its nice to blog after all this time. It is not nice to have nothing to say.

Somewhere in between.

2006-03-04T16:23:00.000+05:30

The exams have begun again, too soon for me to have missed them, too late for a long enough holiday, such is life.
The mind can't quite comprehend the gravity of the situation, the vastness of the matter under study and its own incapacity, while frequently lapsing into fonder territory, comfortable territory, liberty and listlessness.
I have adopted the life of a... bum so to speak. 'tis fun I can tell you that, very relaxing but doesnt make for a very interesting life, so neither will be this post.
Today I wore jeans, for the first time in over a week. I am blogging for the first time in over a week.
A few days ago I realised that a large part of the reason I wanted to be 'rich' so to speak is because I'm weak.
I realised I am weak.
I lack a commitment to college, the will to work and the resolve to refuse, among other things...
And frankly, I don't care.
Moderation. Mediocrity. Average. Ok.
I just don't care ok?
The world lies in limbo and I in between.
Between struggle and success.
Between loss and luck.
Between frustration and fortitude.
Between haplessness and hope.
Yea, I'm somewhere in between.

JumbledMumble

2006-02-19T21:23:00.000+05:30

Theory of Relativity
Life is relative, not subjective relative.
Relation. Relative.To surroundings, people, circumstance and competition.
Its strange how less than perfect lasses and lassies begin to believe they're gods gift to (wo)man kind with egos to match when surrounded by the lesser perfect.
Have u met relatively intelligent einstiens flauntingthier superficial knowledge and transient academic achievement because people in thier college jsut arent smart enough. Make them compete with those a little better endowed and they are haggling with teachers for a mark or two because "how could he get more than me?!!"
Its hilarious!

Stuck on a feeling
Stereotypes, Bias, Pride and Pedjudice. We all have them, you think you don't but I know you do, one or another, sometime or other.
A student, sitting at the canteen held hands with someone of hte opposite sex. Is that strange? Different? Unheard of? Unusual? Absolutely not. Now what if I told you this student was visually challenged?
"Your a blind boy, behave like one" she said. But how do 'blind' boys behave? Is there a code of conduct a book of rules?
How likely are you to assume a visually challenged co-passenger is feeling you up? Would you brush it off as a mistake? How about if he was otherwise handicapped or mentally challenged?
Why do we assume taht they have noe sexual drive, desires or ability to violate? Or are they allowed those 'compensations' by virtue of being challenged?

Guess who's tagged?

2006-02-16T15:06:00.000+05:30

Tagged again... i am tagged...
okokok ill just get on with it then...

Four Jobs I have held:
Mmm... hmmm.... ummm...
I guess working in AIESEC Mumbai counts....
lalalalalalala

Four Movies I could watch over and over:
I find it incredibly hard to watch movies over and over but...
hmmm...
I have no idea why this isnt coming to me right now, and i might change this later but for now
Monsoon Wedding
My Best friends wedding
When Harry Met Sally
Memento

Four places I have liked:
Agra (apart from the objectification and day/night light robbery)
Kutub Minar
Blue Mountain
Seville

Four TV shows I love to watch:
Am quite random with the TV
Desperate housewives (about the only thing i watch regularly)
The Amazing Race (getting old now)
Friends
Discovery travel and living, apart from teh car/bike shows euch.

Four Places I've been on vacation to:
GOA!
Paris
Spain
New Zealand

Four Places I'd Rather Be Right Now:
My bed
Lunch at Moshes with the birthday gurl
Goa
Actually absolutely anywhere on holiday

Four Sites I Visit Everyday:
www.aiesec.net
www.google.com
http://mail.yahoo.com
www.hotmail.com

For your 8 things tag, if anyone is really interested, i think i kinda coved it in this post

The God of Small Things

2006-02-10T22:44:00.000+05:30

Cliché as it is, it is the small things that bring a smile to your face; in the middle of class, on a sleepy sunday morning, at an embitteringly boring party... whenever...
Strangely I can actually recall some of the little things that made me smile this past week....
That chill that ran down my spine. Unforseen, but not sudden.
The goosebumps that plagued my arm when they blew on my neck or nuzzled thier faces into it.
When I burrowed my face into his fragrant fragile frame, his teddy.
Those pants that finally fit.
When I "wasted" the day away, but still felt fulfilled.
Poetry. Music. Motion. Anything... under a canopy of trees, behind the library... anything.
I discovered a new blog. Nice blog. Blogger. Blogee.
I know i made someone really truly happy.
Seeing someone really truly happy.
Chocolates and ice cream; just the right kind. Friends; at just the right time.
Understanding exactly what you mean because ive thought it innumerable times, and again. You stole the words from my head and thought them, said them.
Because she remembered.
That special song starts playing, those memories follow suit...
Because I remember.

And so it is...

2006-02-05T17:14:00.000+05:30

Having ignored a few recent tags as a result of exhaustion and boredom, I have decided to be a sport this time and play along...
Tagged by jax to bore you with not one... not two... no not just three but twenty random facts about myself so here goes...

Me now and me 5 years ago are two completely different people, I learnt more about myself in the last yearandahalf than my entire existance combined.
I love personality tests and always hope i'll learn something about me, but find it pretty hard to pick answers to the questions.
I am most often perceived as unapproachable and snobbish or too talkitive. Go figure.
The only thing I actually like about my appearance is the colour of my skin.
I am an excellent secret-keeper unless the secrets are my own.
I tend to love things i suck at... dancing, math, football(just playing, watching is ok).
I actually enjoy cooking and I'm not half bad. Although my younger brother is better.
I have a passion for language, love learning them but bore of them equally quickly. As do I bore of almost anything else.
I adapt to change faster than I even realise things are different.
I have spent some time recently trying to define what intelligence is to me... and have only yet reached a semi-conclusion... Don't know what that says about my own...
I can actually enjoy feeling dumb, and have taken up alot of things because they allow for me to do so.
I used to believe I was very perceptive, than I started talking to people and realised I really wasn't and need things spelt out.
I am incredibly indecisive and make 90% of my decisions, (from my major to what flavour of ice cream i want ) based on gut and instinct, I'm just lucky it generally works out.
Patience is a virtue. One that I do not posess.
I am quite the control freak and love things to go the way they should, if you wont do them liek that I will. It is very easy to sucker me into doing work for you.
I am addicted to the internet and there is immense scope for the same with my cell phone. Sad but true.
I am terribly unphotogenic, look absolutely awful in pictures. Or so i'd like to beleive, don't really want to look like that in person.
Very very very ticklish. Also a pretty damn good liar.
I am excellent at masking and/or denying my feelings for some one. Sometimes even I beleive me.
I can get very attached to someone and yet not be at all dependent on them. I am extremely protective of people I like.

*Piggy Laugh, from the cartoons*

That is being all folks!

The time is now

2006-02-01T23:05:00.000+05:30

Having recently returned from what I thought was Delhi but informed was Haryana, I am loving Bombay weather. Not to disregard that I enjoyed the (sometimes) bitter, biting cold, and senitimental sleepless nights.
Looking back on this experience that year and this one, listening learning (trying to) lead.
The bags were full and have been duly emptied. Reminants rendered redundant. The heart is heavy; head light and shoulders burdened?
Its a wonder travel and train journeys still excite me. It is a wonder they remain unique.
It is a wonder we adapt to change so easily, so fast. It is a wonder we don't even notice, especially not in ourselves.
Isn't it a wonder I needed 3 opinions to fill out a survey about ME?
Is it a wonder I wasn't the only one?

Do you ever have those connections that last only for a little while.
The type that hindi movie twins have, where your drinking water will quench my thirst, the beginning of your sentence is completed by the end of mine, when your hurt I feel pain?
I know that your nerves gave me butterflies and then made heart adn stomach sink, anchored right to the bottom. But then I floated up again and hope you did too. I can only hope.
Its always akward when there is no correct thing to say, not like when there is nothing to say, worse.
Worser still if you go right ahead and say the wrong thing, if you stop watching for just a second.

Again I questioned if things always work out for the best, the way they should.
Do we really have a predetermined path? fate? destiny?
Sometimes I kick in and demand control but sometimes I would liek to beleive.
Sometime is now.

Good People

2006-01-18T22:51:00.000+05:30

There are always those people...
people you are glad you met.
people whose innocence broke your heart to bits, and put it together again stronger.
people to whom integrity is integral.
people who actually do as they say. True to life un-hypocrits.
people who are grateful for soemthing you never did.
people who thouroughly underestimate themselves.
people who you dont even know, and who dont even know how much they are touching your life.
people who just make you so happy!
people who just for a moment you made a conncetion with.
Mammas gurl. Daddys too.
people who you protect and want to give the world to but can't.
people you own.
My girl.
Yes there are always those people.
This is for one of them.

Unchained... melody.

2006-01-16T11:45:00.000+05:30

In stark contrast to the timlessness of goa, life is moving on.... and at what pace...
Time stood still... and picks up...
People are met and avoided. Friends new and old.
Promises made and kept. Promises made and broken.
Birthdays, a neverending string. Gift shopping. Incessant. Futile. Blah.
Speculation over levels of copulation through the sweltering summer. Futile. Blah.
Marathons for a cause. Me Mumbaikar, Me Marathoner.
Speculation over the rapidly increasing temperature, cursing through the course. Futile.
Habit. Static. Boredom.
Self administered minor hair surgery. A trim so to speak. Futile. Blah.
And still time goes by.
Another year, another birthday, older but none the wiser.
Another year, anotehr challenge, chance, change.
Another year I expect to pass me in a blur of conversation, lessons and memories.
Another year gone by faster than the rest, never ceasing to end but over with a bang.
Another year in the life of...

I wish you were here...

2006-01-03T18:28:00.000+05:30

My Goa song.
So I'm back from the land of sun and sand, unscathed and having made no hospital visits.
Back from Goa, where time and timelessness collide, events blurring as the drunken morning.
Sunrise.
The sun ablaze, in all her glory smoldering, sizzling and frying my skin to a golden brown. Golden brown, as I enjoy my chicken, cooked to perfection, delicious as the assortment on the table. Assorted as the members of the group, bonding, chattering away million words a minute. Words coming together in varied conversations. Varied, vibrant and alluring as the hawkers wares, let the bargaining begin. Bargaining for everything, even taxis, we will not triumph. No, not as we triumph over waves at sea. The warm waves, salty waves, invading my watch and my eyes stinging as the air thick with narcotics. Goa’s own poison, on beaches, shacks and streets, 'flying high' they said, as they were while paragliding over the water.
Splash.
The waves kiss my feet, coat it in a warm brown layer of sand.
Stuck.
As the sand sucks me in, I watch the sunset on my last day in paradise.

Go Goa!

2005-12-27T23:16:00.000+05:30

Its finally here. It's going to be a long stormy day.
Significant in more ways than one.
But i'm all packed up again. I enjoy the (pseudo)nomadic life.
The train departs 10:55pm, CST, Mumbai.
It will have a bunch of mad-hatters on it. Mad hatters with a guitar. Guitar=Noise.
A mis-matched lot, thrown together by circumstance and chance. Held together by joyusness and people persons.
The guitar is a glue that seals the deal, and we will be off.
To the land of beaches and bums. Sea and seafood. Pools and Pahhtaayyyss.Fun and fantasy. Love and lathargy. Sun, sand, swimming and so much more.
To a "city" that really doesn't sleep.
A place where I am well versed with hospitals and damage control.
A state that is reminiscent of wish you were here and the rest.
Becoming a part of the great migration, accross states and seas, where we all converge but only for a week to bring in the new year.
Goa, we will arrive.

Happy new year everyone!
Until next year then...

Did you know?

2005-12-21T20:38:00.000+05:30

Life they say, is a process of growth and discovery, change and evolution. Of figuring yourself out. And although I am nowhere near the end, heck it's not even a speck in my line of vision, I have learnt, a little.
As the year draws to a close, I reflected on some of the wisdom I have gathered, behold the pearls. ;)

· Ensure you know what your putting in your mouth - lest it end up being pig blood.
· Do not permit other people to mix your drinks. Never ever.
· Never admit to telling the truth when intoxicated - Damn I just did it again!
· Crows bestow luck only upon those with nice clean hair.
· Try not to procrastinate, it never ends. (No working well under pressure is not that effective an excuse)
· As much as I would like to be superwoman, i am not.
· I reiterate the hard truth that words once spoken cannot be taken back.
· Life has a way of working itself out in the end. For the better, although it is easy to be sure otherwise.
· Everybody has an Angel, I know I do.
· Were never going to survive unless we are a little bit crazy.
· Death is permanent but the pain is temporary, long lasting but temporary.
· Sometimes, it really is better to give than to receive.
· Its not always comforting to know what the future holds. Sometimes it just holds you back.
· It's a small world after all.

This among other things, intangible and difficult to put in words.
Merry Christmas to all. And to all a good night

Hanging by a moment...

2005-12-19T16:05:00.000+05:30

There is the life and times, memories, nostalgia and then
there are moments.
A stillframe, vividly etched in the reel of life. Where life pauses, time is defied and the world waits; just for a moment to allow you to let it sink in. Penetrate to the depths.
A moment that will not blur. That will stay whole,atleast for some time to come.
A moment; over-emotional and under-played.
A moment the heart and mind conferred and made you loose control.
United they stood.
A moment where you realised what you were loosing because it's almost gone.
With so much to say, but no words to express it.
Where there was confusion and chaos, loss of pride and pragmatism.
Loss.
Change.
Love and laughter, tears and rain.
The ultimate emotional rollercoster.
A spontaneous overflow of powerful emotion. Only muted.
Irreplicable and incomprehensable.
I feel...

Un-Comfortable

2005-12-15T16:31:00.000+05:30

The past has a way of catching up with you.
So does unfinished business.
Then all the procrastination and excuses fuse and slap you in the face.
Suddenly its time to sit up and take notice and life isn't as hunky-dory anymore. This week finally I swallowed more than I could chew, I could've chewed the little bits as I put them in but I decided to wait till my mouth was full.
Now I taste it all.
So I'm hoping I can freeze time and cursing technology for being unable to and still making new commitments.
I try, hard and harder to make ammends but to no avail.
Mediocrity is the only option.
So as always I will settle.
For mediocrity and a laundy list of tasks, functions, little things that will most definately slip the mind.
Settle in.
Comfotably... no not numb.... just comfortable and happy wtih mediocrity.
Yet again.
And run.
Just hope compromise doesn't have a way of catching up.

Four letter words.

2005-12-07T21:16:00.000+05:30

Hate.
Fish.
Fuck.
Feel.
Love. Fool.
After heartfelt, shaken up posts andother coherant events I have begun to wonder...
Is it really better to have loved an lost than never to have loved at all?
Even if the ache lasts longer than the addiction?
Even if heartbreak overcomes hope?
When life is surreal and happiness a distant dream?
When you begin to question everything including yourself?
Because you were joint at the hip and have time on your hands.
Because cognitive capacities are challenged and can't keep pace.
Is love really as wonderful when its unrequited?
One things for sure it makes for brilliant reading, as do most other tradgedies, including death. Its much harder to steal a heart with wonderful stories as opposed to woeful ones, of that I am certain, but I digress.
Is love really blindness and butterflies?
Sensuality and speechlessness?
That smell in her hair, the look on his face. Her vain innocence and his vain attempts to impress.
Is it ever unconditional? Forever?
Does it lead to loss of basic instincts?
Can we really live on love and fresh air?
Ain't no sunshine when (s)he's gone?
Is it possible to love at first sight?
Or Is love just overrated?
Is it worth the eternal search?
The questions of some one for everyone? (scientifically speaking this is impossible)
Having never loved or lost I wonder, but I really wouldn't know.
Lust. Love. Laugh. Love. Like. Love. Loss. Still love.

Still hung up

2005-12-06T19:27:00.000+05:30

And this weekend...There were more busrides, much much shorter.
I was caring and brutal.
Brutally honest.
Some of the most intense conversation I've had in months.
Waking, dazed to a public service anouncement. New realtionships had been formed. Surprises that were not quite.
Walks from bed to breakfast and more.... more osho chappals, maybe i'm addicted?
The Indian adaptation of Kentucky fried cruelty. Managed to sample thier entire non-vegetarian selection in two meals, leading me to infer two things:
1. I have a voracious appetite.
2. They have a very limited selection.
I have concluded it is a combination of the two.
They also have a very good brownie sundae.
After initial suspicion, upon futher probing we discovered it isn't really thier fault. Maybe PETA's allegations aren't completely justified.
Hand churned ice cream is much much better than any brownie sundae.
Parsi bhonu is much much better at weddings and navjots.
I have missed them. I have missed eating 'patras'. I have missed dhansak. I have missed my bawi friends. But they are all back with a vengence.
December is come, in all her glory.

Why... did the chicken cross the road?

2005-12-01T18:39:00.000+05:30

Why are most Indian men more petite than me? Why can't I spell? Why didn't I have a good day? Why can't I put this book down? Why am I listening to this song over and over again? Why should I always save best for last? Why do you expect me to enjoy birthdays? Why is it so hard to value what you have till its gone? Why is it just so hard to make that decision? Why should I trust you? Why can't we just get along? Why is so much left unsaid? Why can't all wrongs be undone? Why does laughter give way to tears? Why doesn't the heart ever listen to the head? Why do opposites attract? Why do things just not work out sometimes? Why did 'they' seem so perfect? Why is this upsetting me so much? Why don't I feel the same anymore? Why do we assume things will get better? Why do we just say that? Why do these small things make you sooo happy? Why am I so fickle? Why should I care? Why do we lie so much? Why doesn't the mind ever rest? Why don't we tire of mistakes? Why do they say the past will come back to haunt you? Why should the past haunt you? Why do some people believe in the supernatural? Why doesn't magic exist? Why do we believe in a religion? Why don't I pray? Why do the questions always outnumber the answers?
Why are you still reading this?
*An offshoot of the Wishful Thinkers addictive staccato syle.

Seven

2005-11-28T20:14:00.000+05:30

This is the funnest style of writing ever, thank you. Anyone who has tried it will agree. I make up words, very often. I don't think its schupid as long as people get what you mean. Maybe someday i'll have my own language and dictionary. This is my seventh post in this style. I have always believed seven is my lucky number. It is a random claim, based on my birthdate. I am insalubriously indecisive. I don't have a favorite colour, food or book. When making a decision I experiment or spend an eternity in concentrated contemplation eventually deciding on more than one thing. I currently own nine different colours of osho chappals. They are not my favorite footwear, just comfortable. Bombay winters are the bestest. So is cookies and cream ice cream. You can make your own by putting crushed oreos on vanilla ice cream. I am such a control freak I actually enjoy making my own lunch and dinner. It turns out just like you want it. Pity life doen't always turn out just the way you want it. If it did it might be boring. I just contridicted myself. Kinda. I hate hypocrits and liars. I like languages and music and music in different languages. So do most other people. Its amazes me that every person is unique and nobody I know is normal. Normal is relative. It is not neccecarily a good thing. Genius lies in eccentricity. I only know one such genius. She has an anonymous blog somewhere out there. Genius is relative. Blogging is addictive. It eats into my time. I'm scared I will have to stop. I always wanted to go to boarding school so that I could learn horse riding. I want to move out at twenty one. I probably won't for lack of funds. I would like to learn the salsa again. I never have a partner. I haven't yet found a good class that doesn't need one. I am feeling incredibly dumb at this stage in my life. It is not a good feeling. Often I am happy and sad at the same time. Its stange that paradox is plausible and oxymorons are not moronic. I have developed a talent for monologues... random prattle as you will have it. I do not understand why people call when they have absolutely nothing to say and absolutely no inclination to carry on a conversation I am desperately trying to kickstart. I could go on like this forever. But for now I will stop.

Torn

2005-11-24T13:11:00.000+05:30

There are times when I am a privilaged keeper of secrets.
Revelations and confession, deep and dark secrets, are they cause for regret? or just personal.
And there are other times I keep two.
Two secrets. Two people. Two confessions.
One situation. One listener. One conflict.
A conflict between doing the right thing and the correct thing.
Between justice and fairness.
Trust and faith.
Love and loyalty.
Heartbreak and hope.
There is no right and wrong, black and white.
Only grey, more shades of gray than conceivable.
And then you fall into the abyss, it adapts and accomodates;
to swallow you whole;
Incomplete.
Upheaval.
There is no redemption, no return.
Words once uttered cannot be withdrawn, not like the sword.
Letters once written cannot be erased, no not like a pencil.
The pen is mightier, yes mighter than the sword.
More damaging.
Put your foot in your mouth, and leave it there.
Let your hands loose, to fly over the keyboard.
Enter.
Release.
Delete.

How many colours are in the rainbow?

2005-11-17T16:49:00.000+05:30

I have neveerrr eveeerrr been tagged and honestly didn't notice this one until today. Rather excited and having nothing else to post I decided to comply and bore all you wonderful readers with mundane, irrelavant facts about moi.
Annyyyhooo...

Seven Things I Plan To Do:

Backpack (India,Europe, South America alll overr)
Work at the UN (If only for a little while).
Kareoke.
Stay in touch with all the people that have impacted me.
Take my parents on a cruise.
Run the Mumbai Marathon for a cause.
Take a year off.

Seven Things I Can Do:

Cook.
Eat. Alot.
Listen.
Lie (except to myself).
Pick up the lyrics to songs and make up the lyrics when the songs are in incomprehensible languages.
Strange things when intoxicated
Come accross as an absolute Bitch. (Or maybe I just am... nyah woteva)

Seven Things That I Can’t Do:

Sleep in the day.
Fake Non- Indian Accents.
Live without my computer and internet connection.
See people I care about cry.
Movie Marathons.
Figure myself out.
Pretend to enjoy some ones company/ be effectively fake.

Seven Things I Say Most Often:

Dammmiiitt!
Shatz
Phine! or Fine! Fuck you! (in a most endearing way ofcourse.)
Nyah woteva...
Well Heyyyllluu
I do/did not.
Bleh/ Euch/ Blah/ Ewww. (Very effective descriptors of the days of my life.)

Seven People I want to tag: (at their own behest)
Shivvy
Dhanur
Ummm... (to be tagged call 777-7777)

This and that

2005-11-15T03:21:00.000+05:30

In that moment...
my butt was numb, my neck was sore, my back virtually broken.
my head was reeling with profanity.
it took utmost constraint to keep from voicing my opinion.
I slept like a baby... with colic.
I learnt about people teamwork and compromise.
priorities were reconsidered and reorganised.
gossip and food was shared.
we had finally arrived.
And in that moment I was happy.

In this moment...
the dogs bark and crows... crow.
I am capricious and indulged.
there is laughter, conversation and memories.
senses are hightened and the brain is dead.
Insomnia confronts exhaustion.
Punjab resonates in the four walls that are my room.
a chill runs down my spine. Goosebumps.
And in this moment I am happy.

Hyderabad Blues

2005-11-03T19:14:00.000+05:30

All my bags are packed I’m ready to go (well maybe tomorrow…) but underneath the excitement there is a twinge of homesickness that I feel every now and then... which will probably be forgotten within the first few hours of the journey.
Anyhow the visit is the reason for an enforced sabbatical from blogging as I get on the highway to Hyderabad (woe is meee). A journey, I anticipate will be fraught with craziness and car sickness. No boredom, we will have none of that. Rowdy ‘roll calls’, incessant disruption for accompanying passengers (until they threaten to throw us out) and rapidly depleting food supplies.
1 bus
15 AIESECers
God (and the bus driver) only know how many hours.
Lots of excitement.
A week of incessant sessions and (hopefully) interesting parties.
Of exploring a new city and re-discovering friends.
Of bonding, laughter and drunken conversations.
Tune in next week. Same time. Same (old) blog.
Hopefully more interesting posts.
Until then ta.

Blue daba dee...

2005-10-30T23:10:00.000+05:30

And there are times when reflection renders you incredibly happy.
I feel Lucky…
Lucky to have a roof over my head and food in my belly. To have never been afflicted by a major natural (or manmade) disaster. To be suitably healthy, wealthy and all that jazz.
Lucky to be loved, by family, by friends.
Incredible companions through thick and thin. Just the thought of whom bring a smile to my lips and a warmth in my heart. The twin I always longed for. My soul sisters.
People to whom care and compassion are instinct and lending a hand is second nature.
Who have taught me more than formal education ever could.
Because of you I have learnt responsibility and self confidence.
Borne witness to strength and determination I will never be able to emulate.
You amaze me everyday with your eccentricity and abstract connections.
Your implicit trust only serving to make me protective.
And your heart of gold making mine just a little shinier.
Your passion and verbose brilliance inspiring me to do more than I ever imagined I was capable of.
Your Radiance.
Your Modesty.
Your Difference.
And you’ve always been there. The constant in the uncertainty. The buoy in the stormy sea.
My rock. to call. to scream at. to listen. to lend me your shoulder and allow me to pass on the burden.
Wiping away the tears with hope and hugs.
You arrive uninvited when I need you most. To obliterate pain, or at least to try. You are my alter ego, but opposites attract and for that and more I am thankful.
Thankful and lucky to have more than one of you.

Cut, copy, paste.

2005-10-11T17:21:00.000+05:30

Since nothing original is imminent seeing as how my relatively overworked yet highly underused brain is currently on strike… I decided to share some of my current readings. These are sketches on the partition by Sadat Hasan Manto, undoubtedly one of the best partition writers. At the time he was heavily critiqued for these sketches, which were labeled pornographic and sensationalist. Inherently ironic and hard-hitting.

Jelly
At six in the morning the man who used to sell ice cream from a push-cart next to the service station was stabbed to death. His body lay on the road, while water kept falling on it in steady driblets from the melting ice.
At a quarter past seven, the police took him away. The ice and blood stayed on the road.
A mother and child rode past the spot in a tonga. The child noticed the coagulated blood on the road, tugged at his mothers sleeve and said, ‘Look mummy, jelly.’

Invitation to action
When the neighborhood was set on fire, everything burnt down with the exception of one shop and its sign.
It said, ‘ All building and construction materials sold here.’

Ungrateful Lot
‘What an ungrateful nation! After all the trouble I went through, slaughtering 50 pigs in this mosque and what happens? Not one bloody customer! And do you know, on the other side there are people queuing outside every temple to buy beef!’

Luck
“That is what I call rotten luck. All I was able to lay my hands on was this one lousy case… and you know what was in it? Pork if you please!”

Mishtake
Ripping the belly cleanly, the knife moved in a straight line down the midriff, in the process slashing the cord which held the mans pyjamas in place.
The man with the knife took one look and exclaimed regretfully, ‘Oh! no … Mishtake.’

Fruits of boredom

2005-10-03T17:41:00.000+05:30

Seeing as how the up coming exams have granted me study leave to sit home and bore myself to death all day i am currently at my prolific best. (which doesn't really count for much) but which might explain frequent, mind- numbing posts henceforth.

More 55 word thingys that I conjured up in my head but can't be bothered to title:

Anxiously she contemplated the depth of the fall.
Butterflies in her stomach.
Terror in her eyes.
She couldn’t take the unrelenting fear.
It hindered her. It had to stop.
“Jump.” Said the voice.
And she did.
She was falling fast.
Then flying.
Exhilaration.
Her friends cheered as they unhooked her harness.
No longer a batophobic.
*Batophobia is the fear of heights

Her arm linked in his.
She walked towards her lover.
Looking him straight in his teary eye.
She smiled.
He couldn’t believe this was happening.
She looked gorgeous in the gown.
As organ played ‘here comes the bride’
The tears were shed.
He never expected to be blessed with a woman like her.

Goodbye to you...

2005-09-29T22:54:00.000+05:30

Goodbyes to best friends are never easy.
Today I said goodbye to mine,yet again.
The first time it left me misty eyed, even heart broken if you will. Like I was an infant, unaware of the concept of object permanence. I thought we would loose what we had, and we did to an extent but I got used to it.
I got used to her not being around, talk to, to call, to scream at, to hug, to cry on her shoulder and lend her mine.
To not hearing her banter over the phone when I’m in a tearing hurry and not hearing her distinctive laugh at my lame jokes...
To no longer receiving not so discreet glances for our outlandish behavior and being obscenely noisy at a fancy resteraunt (where we've ordered just coffee).
To loosing some one whose shoes and clothes I fit into, and who fit perfectly into my life.
To not seeing her drunk the first time, not being the first to hear about her first date, her first kiss.
To not having a new mail in my inbox everyday, or every week or eventually every month. (We got to caught up in the functionalities of life)
To just being complacent.
Just as I’ve gotten used to goodbyes.
I really do miss you though.

A Rush of Blood to the Head

2005-09-29T22:37:00.000+05:30

She could see an eddy of events before her.
The blood drained from her face.
Pins and needles, only in her head.
She fell to the floor with a thud.
Struggling to get out of the nightmare
She woke up wet.
From a womans water bottle.
It had taken her ten seconds to regain consciousness.

*Not fiction but 55 words none the less…

First attempt at fiction

2005-09-27T17:29:00.000+05:30

She woke up to the smell of burning…
Her stomach churned
Her heart skipped a beat.
She sensed the cacophony below
Shuffling feet.
Another burnt breakfast in bed.
She loved birthdays.
She loved him.
Smiling she snuggled back into bed and pretended to be asleep.

Winds of change

2005-09-25T20:21:00.000+05:30

You know she hates that you have a life outside of college, outside of her. She’s been subtle about the dislike but she’s giving you a hard time. The rift widens and still drifting. You feel the pressure, the resistance the clear lack of support and interest. She doen't know because she chooses not to. You want to get up and scream!
Why can’t you just be happy for me? Are you that insecure?
Don’t you see that I’m enjoying myself? Or do you think I’m enjoying this a little too much?
Are you really this apathetic? Your doing a bad job pretending to be…
Why can’t you just be supportive? Lend me a ear, a shoulder… Yes even if it bores you it would make me feel better…
I did.
Through every mistake you made. Through all the other lives you led. Even when I always came second. Sometimes when I never featured in the list.
I was there.
Because I cared.
And I know you do… you did. Sometimes I feel like you don’t anymore.
Like we drifted.
Is that what scares you?
Scares me too. I don’t want to loose what we had, and it feels like it slipping, fast.
Can it really all disappear, just like this in a fraction of the time we’ve spent together.
Fourteen years together.
Ups and downs together.
Fights and silence together.
School and college still together.
Not attached at the hip but together.
Even now together… yet apart.