Thursday, September 29, 2005

Goodbye to you...

Goodbyes to best friends are never easy.
Today I said goodbye to mine,yet again.
The first time it left me misty eyed, even heart broken if you will. Like I was an infant, unaware of the concept of object permanence. I thought we would loose what we had, and we did to an extent but I got used to it.
I got used to her not being around, talk to, to call, to scream at, to hug, to cry on her shoulder and lend her mine.
To not hearing her banter over the phone when I’m in a tearing hurry and not hearing her distinctive laugh at my lame jokes...
To no longer receiving not so discreet glances for our outlandish behavior and being obscenely noisy at a fancy resteraunt (where we've ordered just coffee).
To loosing some one whose shoes and clothes I fit into, and who fit perfectly into my life.
To not seeing her drunk the first time, not being the first to hear about her first date, her first kiss.
To not having a new mail in my inbox everyday, or every week or eventually every month. (We got to caught up in the functionalities of life)
To just being complacent.
Just as I’ve gotten used to goodbyes.
I really do miss you though.

A Rush of Blood to the Head

She could see an eddy of events before her.
The blood drained from her face.
Pins and needles, only in her head.
She fell to the floor with a thud.
Struggling to get out of the nightmare
She woke up wet.
From a womans water bottle.
It had taken her ten seconds to regain consciousness.

*Not fiction but 55 words none the less…

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

First attempt at fiction

She woke up to the smell of burning…
Her stomach churned
Her heart skipped a beat.
She sensed the cacophony below
Shuffling feet.
Another burnt breakfast in bed.
She loved birthdays.
She loved him.
Smiling she snuggled back into bed and pretended to be asleep.

Sunday, September 25, 2005

Winds of change

You know she hates that you have a life outside of college, outside of her. She’s been subtle about the dislike but she’s giving you a hard time. The rift widens and still drifting. You feel the pressure, the resistance the clear lack of support and interest. She doen't know because she chooses not to. You want to get up and scream!
Why can’t you just be happy for me? Are you that insecure?
Don’t you see that I’m enjoying myself? Or do you think I’m enjoying this a little too much?
Are you really this apathetic? Your doing a bad job pretending to be…
Why can’t you just be supportive? Lend me a ear, a shoulder… Yes even if it bores you it would make me feel better…
I did.
Through every mistake you made. Through all the other lives you led. Even when I always came second. Sometimes when I never featured in the list.
I was there.
Because I cared.
And I know you do… you did. Sometimes I feel like you don’t anymore.
Like we drifted.
Is that what scares you?
Scares me too. I don’t want to loose what we had, and it feels like it slipping, fast.
Can it really all disappear, just like this in a fraction of the time we’ve spent together.
Fourteen years together.
Ups and downs together.
Fights and silence together.
School and college still together.
Not attached at the hip but together.
Even now together… yet apart.

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